A conversation, two very opposite confessions and firm conviction on both sides. Psychologicalization reveals a brain mechanism that can change everything we believe about the past
Two people attend the same family meeting. During the discussion, one person says something that the other experiences as an insult. Some days later, when they try to explain the situation, they realize that their memories vary in almost every detail.
One insists that he has been humiliated in front of all, while the other is convinced that he has made only one innocent joke.
Who’s right? And does this mean that one of them is lying?
The answer is not that simple. Psychology shows that human memory is far more complicated than we think.
Brain is not a camera that records everything
We often believe that memories are accurate records of events. Indeed, every time we recall something, the brain rebuilds the experience using stored information.
One Study published in the scientific magazine Memory Studies showed that confessions of personal events can change within a week.
Participants described four events in their lives, imagining that they were telling a policeman, a psychologist, or a friend. When they confessed again seven days later, some details were missing, others were added, and from time to time, contradictions appeared.
This shows that changes in confession are not necessarily evidence of deliberate lies.
Even the way a question is asked may change the memory
One of the best – known memory experiments was performed in 1974 by psychologists Elizabeth Loftus and John Palmer.
Participants looked at images of automobile accidents and then answered questions about the speed of vehicles.
The results showed that the wording of the question affected the answer. When a word suggesting more powerful confrontations was used, the participants valued greater speed.
A week later, some of them claimed to have seen broken glass, although it was not.
Original Study He testified that later information can affect what we believe we remember.
Thus, complete security in a memory does not necessarily guarantee its accuracy.
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Why does everyone remember different details?
One The 2023 study, published in Applied Cognitive Psychology, followed 213 participants over 18 months, analyzing various aspects of the memory of the same public event.
Researchers found that the ability to remember an information category accurately does not necessarily mean the same accuracy in other categories.
Someone may well remember the facts, but not the emotions experienced. Another may remember the atmosphere as he forgets specific details.
This helps us to understand why two people can give different descriptions without necessarily being dishonest.
When Our Beliefs Affect What We See
Another psychological mechanism is prejudice of confirmation, a tendency to place more emphasis on information that supports our beliefs.
If we believe that someone does not respect us, we can also interpret common comments as disrespectful.
If we trust that person, the same words may seem to be a friendly joke.
The problem begins when we consider personal interpretation the only possible explanation.
The conversation, then, is no longer about what happened but about who is right.
Understanding another does not mean giving him justice
In family relations, friendly, and married relationships, two things are often confused – the purpose and impact of an action.
One may not have intended to hurt, while the other may have felt hurt.
Accepting someone’s feelings does not necessarily require compliance with his interpretation.
For example, we might say:
I realize that my words have hurt you, although that was not my purpose. )
It is important to note, however, that not every version of an event is equally accurate. The facts can be verified and the responsibility for harmful behaviors does not disappear simply because one remembers the situation differently.
When a Desire to Win a Debate Hurts Relationship
At times, years of unuttered discontent remain after a minor argument.
One may experience opposition as rejection, while the other may fear that admitting the wrong will make him appear weak.
Thus, a sentence uttered during a family meal may turn into a debate over anything that has not been clarified for years.
Emotional maturity involves not always giving up on your thinking but being willing to examine it and listen to the other person.
Because in the end, the problem is not always that two people view the same event differently but that one of them believes that only his viewpoint can be valid. /Telegraphy/